My thumbnail catches in my hair and it’s like [[the worst feeling ever]].It's the worst because it's basically the only thing my mind is able to focus on and I know what I have to do about it, which for sure is going to be hard to adjust to. No sense putting it off anyway.
<span class="valada">[["Fffffuck."]]</span>I pull it out and inspect the damage. It’s broken pretty low and I thought it was unsalvageable. But Taiaca automatically reaches over, takes my hand for a second and [[assesses it]].
<span class="taiaca">"I can [[fix it]] Vally. Don’t rip it off yet."</span>It’s the only nail on my right hand that I keep long. It must look pretty strange to others, having one hand with long, clean nails and one hand with peeled off short nails. [[But who’s looking?]]
You’ll find more unusual shit with anyone else anyway. And it was just sudden. I didn't even notice what tore it. But now it's my problem and I gotta get rid of it.
Taiaca takes my hand in hers and her nails are long and ellipsoidal and shiny. She painted them opaque blue and they shine like cabochons. Taiaca knows about my one hand short one hand long thing and thinks it’s funny, but she knows why so she doesn’t tease me about it. [[And who’s looking?]]Well. [[Who else.]]My teeth are automatically going at the inside of my mouth and it’s unsubtle enough that even [[Taiaca notices]] before I do. It was something I started doing when my headache was especially noticeable and the parallel puncture wounds from last time still aren't fully healed.<span class="taiaca">[[“Vally, it ain’t gonna hurt.”]]</span>I try to relax my jaw a little bit. My teeth can do some real damage sometimes without me even [[noticing]]. I need to stop before I accidentally shred myself one day cause my maxillary cuspids are so sharp. Whenever I smile with my mouth closed they stick out just slightly and it embarrasses me, but I’d be way more embarrassed if I didn’t have sharp teeth.
Taiaca feels the same way just in the opposite direction cause her mandibular cuspids are her big issue. We find ways to work around it. Taiaca talks and eats around her teeth like I work around my right hand when it decides not to open and close. I guess I should do something about that. Prosthetic maybe? [[Maybe another time.]]
I quit biting the inside of my cheek and hold my jaw steady so I won’t do it again subconsciously. I’ve never been a nail biter though. I even hate it when I have to stick my hands in my mouth to retrieve stray hairs or whatever. I keep my hands clean. Taiaca keeps her nails clean. I keep my mouth shut and all my anticipation on the inside of my body where no one can see if they’re not [[paying attention]].Taiaca takes out a file and starts working at my hand, shaving the site down with a rhythmic back and forth motion. I almost thought she was full of shit when she said she could save it, but the tear actually shrinks until it’s just a smooth edge. She runs the distal part of her finger over it and squeezes my hand for a second before she finally lets go and [[looks at me]] expectantly.<span class="taiaca">[["There, got it."]]</span>I hold my hand up in front of my face and analyze it. <span class="valada">"Haha, yeah. You really D✱iD✱. [[Nice...]]"</span>I push my cuticle down a little with my other hand. [[Taiaca]] settles back down smiling all satisfied with her mouth closed and her mandibular cuspids poking out just a little.
Of course I trust [[you]] to touch my hands. What did [[you]] do that everyone else thinks is so bad? [[You|you]] help me with such small things like this even when it’s not important.
Well, I guess it's cause she's too persistent. I don't know what happened with Cie, I just know how Cie would describe it. Like something like... maybe like... I don't know, when there's a huge storm and then it just ceases? Or when a lightning bolt hits a semi conductor and there's this big huge explosion of light and sparks and particulates before everything just goes totally dark. Something so intense you expect there to be a huge aftermath but the actual aftermath is [[just like]]Just nothing. It's just underwhelming. There's this big old explosion and then nothing left to say. I can't tell if falling into that gradually is better, but I gotta imagine it's easier to adjust.
[[Then again maybe it is just an issue of being dead before the impact]][[Just here today gone tomorrow I guess]]I didn’t tell her. I might have if I thought it could be saved. This was the only thing to do this time, though, really. It just needed to be gone, it's the same as when something's coating your teeth and you need it off immediately because it's all you can feel. And it would grow back, that's what nails do. I'll try to make sure she doesn't notice it's gone too. She would only notice a few times, though, and I'm the one who would have to obsess over it then and after, when the file decorticates layers of keratin and durability even if the break is repaired.
So it's better like this. And I'd never seen Taiaca break her own nails before, I don't think.The same nail broke one month later except this time the break was deeper, way closer to the hyponychium and I knew it would hurt a lot. Taiaca isn’t around and I don’t have a file like she showed me so I take it between my teeth and rip it off. I just can’t bite my lip to shift the [[locus]] of pain like I usually do. The keratin is thick enough on my thumbnail that it takes a second, but my cuspid rips it free from the plate along the laceration and I dig it out of my mouth and drop it into the load gaper and wash my hands.
Ok, well, ew.
Nothing for me to really clean up in the aftermath of it or anything.