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[[Gouging]] the ground
[[Digging|2]] really hard...Scraping hard with your nails. It must be important. <<linkreplace "You ">>Voxade <</linkreplace>> won't find it though.
[[I have it]]I rub it between my fingers. Small wire ring. Copper plated, little cabochon.
[[This one must be important...]]I blink as I think to myself. The sooner you leave the sooner you'll get it back, [[you know]].I watch from the treeline. Expecting Voxade to get frustrated or angry, but he just seems disappointed and resigned. Digging a little more, then standing up.
[[Leave]][[Voxade will leave soon.]]Circling the area a few more times. Staring into the soil. I grip the ring [[tighter]]Hanging back, further away. I start to bury my feet in the soil out of boredom. Hygroscopic soil is soft and cold today.
I dig with my feet until I hit a tree root.
[[Think]]Should I give it to him now?
[[No...]]Maybe he would think I took it intentionally
[[You're returning it stupid]]Maybe I just don't want to talk to him right now.
[[I do]][[But it wouldn't be natural]]I think I'm better when I care from a distance. No one needs to know, and no one needs to know I exist. But I'm still here.
[[I don't need anything back]]I'm not scared. I just...
[[I just don't think that...]]I'll just keep it to myself. That way nothing will go wrong.
I won't look like I've been [[following him]] this whole time.[[Leave, Voxade]][[Come on...]]Voxade wipes the dirt off his hands.
[[Leave, you won't find it]]Voxade kicks at the dirt a little.
[[I kick the dirt a little in front of me too]]Nothing else to do or focus on so I start counting the number of times I'm [[blinking]].[[You could have said something when he lost it, you know]]Ugh, I got it already.
[[I know]]Ambient sounds of the forest amplify as the wind shakes the trees.
[[The ring warms up in my hand]]I think the silence is what gets to me. Voxade brings the others here sometimes. <<linkreplace "The tall cerulean girl">> Tai<</linkreplace>> hasn't been here in a while, but I can hear her footsteps when she moves. Even if I have to strain to hear her voice, her walk is loud. But who wears open-toed shoes into the woods anyway?
Same with<<linkreplace " the stocky cerulean guy.">>... I don't remember the name.<</linkreplace>> Big, sharp canines I can see even from far away. Maybe there's something to that, the aposematic commanding of attention. You don't even have to worry about being quiet when you're preemptive like that. But I guess it's harder to be quiet anyway when you got allergies.
Same with<<linkreplace " the other blueblood.">>...? The tall one, long hair.<</linkreplace>> Long shiny like a beetle's elytra black hair that I want. Her voice is resonant. But she sounds like she doesn't mean to intrude.
Voxade is so light. Sometimes I forget other trolls break branches when they walk, because I don't, but Voxade doesn't either. Every footfall is so light and full of intent.
[[Good intent]]It makes me feel like maybe he wouldn't be upset. But I'm [[nervous]].I close my eyes
[[Just close your eyes]]Voxade is so quiet I didn't notice he left while I was thinking.
[[Quiet like me]]But it makes sense. It's getting [[early]].The sun won't hurt me
[[It can't]]Nothing can touch me unless I let it.
[[I won't]]Nothing can [[hurt me]] that way.
It scares me sometimes. I can cope with physical pain. It can almost be exciting sometimes. The feeling of falling or the feeling of a collision. The state you reach the second before you go from falling to impact. The lowest possible potential energy. [[Something is about to happen...]]
But emotionally, I wouldn't know what to do. Especially if it wasn't just me who was at risk. And I can administer my own pain, but only because then I can control it. It's something I subject myself to out of curiosity. I wouldn't want my [[pain]] to fall into the wrong hands.Maybe it's easier to [[bury]] my feelings too. Easier to feel nothing.[[Whatever.]]Standing on Voxade's doorstep. Swaying slightly. I bend over and set the ring on the ground in front of me.
[[Put my hand on the door]]And then I <span class="phase">[[pass]]</span><span class=phaseout>[[through]]</span>an entire dimension of material like it's nothing.
Because it is nothing.
[[Unlock the door from the inside]]I open the door and move the ring gently between my fingers one more time. It's warm from my hands but the heat will be gone once Voxade finds it.
[[It's cold in here]]And I won't stay too long.
[[Just passing through]][[Haha. Get it?]]
Well. I rinse the residual dirt off of it and set it down next to the sink.
[[Maybe one day you'll meet me]]I just have to let you. But maybe it's better this way. Can you really miss someone you've never met?
[[I don't know]]I lock the door from the inside.
[[Leave, Cheine]]I'll see you again soon. And maybe you'll be wearing the ring.Double-click this passage to edit it.